Hello! I’m sure the majority, if not all (jokes), of you all know who I am. I’m Kelsey and my favourite thing in the world is to receive ridiculous messages from men on casual dating apps, and I use “dating” very loosely here, and to share them with my friends.
*Disclaimer: Just in case you don’t make it to the bottom of this post, a lot of the screenshots I will share are from men who are ESL (I live in China). These posts are NOT to make fun of their English but to point out their forthrightness and directness and just vent my frustration with my dating life (or lack thereof).
And so I introduce the man who finally made me put my ass into gear:
James. Let me start by saying that James is HOT. Like full on probably the most beautiful person I’ve ever seen before. Canadian Korean that can speak (and write!) Korean and he’s a Personal Trainer in Alberta. Amazing, right? Probably wrong.
Issues: I’m immediately suspicious of super hot guys, I love to look at them but I’m not a huge fan of talking to them. Secondly, I’m also super suspicious of guys who have Tinder Plus – something that James obviously has as we’ve matched from him, probably, being in Alberta and me being near Shanghai. I’m always suspicious of guys using Tinder Plus because, to me, it’s such a shady addition to an already quite shady app. You can hide your age and distance, along with reversing left swipes (which would have come in handy a couple times but c’est le vie). Not only can you hide all that information but it also means that you can search for matches anywhere in the world. Super helpful if you’re a horny lonely travelling businessman anticipating a trip somewhere. Also helpful if you’re an Instagram fiend who is super hot and wants instafame, which, surprise, is James.
A look on James’ followers shows girls all over the world are following him. There are very few men, under ten. So clearly, his strategy works so good for James!
Ultimately, I’m really happy that James spent the time copy and pasting this message to me as I have finally figured out that putting guys on blast is what I love to do.
Thank you James. I hope you enjoy this read because you’re my muse!